


The Neighbors Upstairs

by Riddle



Category: Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: Gen, M/M, Other, Other point of view, Through the lives, back in time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:50:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6461968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddle/pseuds/Riddle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through videos and live chats Dan and Phil have told the story of their eclectic and sexually active downstairs neighbor, but this story looks at the lives of Dan and Phil--all of the ups and downs in their lives, going through the major events since they moved to London--through the eyes of their own downstairs neighbor who doesn't quite understand what these two boys do with all of that filming equipment upstairs for money...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Looking back on the man that I used to be, I know that he would be furious over the man I am now. He was simple and straightforward and was set in his ways. He used to think that my faults and my problems were my burden to carry and mine alone. I thought that the control over order and chaos in my life was entirely up to me. 

I was wrong. 

Now I didn’t come to this conclusion over night, it’s actually a very long story with a few good twists of fate along the way. I’m not even sure that it’s over or that who I am now is who I will be in a few months or years time. But I do know for sure when it all started. It was the day that the neighbors upstairs moved in. The day they changed my life. 

 

July 2012

I was sat on my couch drinking tea—the most British possible way to spend my Saturday afternoon—enjoying the temporary peace and quite that came from the apartment above me ever since the noisy girls that had lived there before had been forced from building. 

They had kept me awake for countless nights. Their midnight conversations, heard easily through the thin walls and ceilings. Their loud techno music thumping my walls and making my drinks vibrate like a scene from Jurassic Park. Their terrible television shows that they watched on the highest settings blaring in the latest and earliest hours of the day and night. Everything they did bothered me, in fact they bothered me and I was glad to be rid of them. 

It was unbeknownst to me when I had signed my lease that the walls through out my apartment and apparently no other were so terribly thin. I could hear the footsteps of my neighbors on either side, I could hear when then turned their dishwashers on and even when they flushed their toilets. It might have been an invasion of privacy to know things about people like I came to but I couldn’t have helped it. Why would I have wanted to know these things? It was never my intension to know that the man under me only showers on Tuesdays and Thursdays and that he watches Dance Moms when he gets home from work and shouts angry comments at his TV as if they can here him inside (You can only listen to “shut up Jill your kid aint that special” and “you go Maddie kill that pirouette girl!” so many times before it drains you entirely). It was never my intention to know that the couple in the apartment next to mine had sex every Monday night at exactly 7:45pm, or that they both had no skill in cooking given from the horrible burning curry I could smell wafting up from their kitchen on the rare days that they didn’t do take always. And it was certainly never my intension to learn about the strange and vulgar sorts of things that those girls above me did with webcams for money. Really after I pieced it together I had no choice but to call the landlord and inform him of their breaches to the conduct code of the building. They claimed that they were “film-makers” and “video artists” but the truth came out and I am proud so say that I should never have to live below “film-makers” ever again.

When those two moved out, the landlord posted a notice telling the building that the apartment was back up from rent. I knew that it was temporary but the silence that I enjoyed was ever the sweeter. 

A few days before the landlord had come around knocking on doors to let us all know that two boys had just put in a payment on the apartment above and that they would be moving in Saturday afternoon. 

I recall saying something to the extent of “as long as they’re not like those last two” and us both chuckling awkwardly, avoiding the subject. 

My tea was about half drunk and near Luke warm when I heard foot steps in the hall. They were hard and sturdy steps, as if they came from someone being weighed down by something enormously heavy. I sighed as I came to the realization that the moving in had begun, and my peace and quite had gone. 

It went on for several hours. By the time they were done moving in the boxes and cases and whatever else, it was long past the afternoon and deep into the night. 

I was just settling back into the couch after dinner and a shower getting ready to wind down for the night when I heard a knock at my door. 

I rolled my eyes and puffed out a great sigh as I forced myself from the sofa cushions and onto my feet. I walked slowly to the door muttering about how could possibly anyone possibly be ringing me this late at night. The nerve of some people. 

I opened up the door and found two young men standing on my doormat. 

They were a peculiar duo. They had strange modern haircuts, near identical mirror images of the others. They were outlandishly tall and had lanky builds. One of them looked about 20 year old and had dark brown hair and dimples; the other had dark black hair and looked a few years older. This was the first time I ever met my upstairs neighbors. 

“Hi!” They both said in unison, oddly reminiscent of the twins from the shining. 

“I’m Dan.” Said the brown haired one

“And I’m Phil,” Said the other “We’re your new upstairs neighbors.” 

I felt my eyes widen. They were so young, not at all what I had pictured. This building was in an expensive part of London, rent was high and I myself could only hardly afford it. How was it that these young just barely twenty-somethings could afford to live here?

“Oh, um hello,” I said reaching out my hand to greet them “I’m Matt.”

They both smiled “We just wanted to come around and introduce ourselves.”

“Well welcome to the building,” I said trying to close my door and escape from the conversation before my curiosity got the better of me “So what do you boys do for a living?” 

They were young and had funny hair, that was probably the first sign that they did something unusual—but surely whatever it is, it must be better than those girls before them. What do young people do now a days anyway? Web development? App Design? Computer Coder? I had no idea but that was all I could seem to think of that would give them the kind of capital to move into a building like this one.

They both shrunk back a little as if they suddenly felt awkward and didn’t know how to answer the question. They made eye contact and there was a moment of panic and confusion that passed between them. It was as if they were asking each other what to say.

“Umm…well,” said Phil awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck “I guess you could say that we are film-makers. We make and upload videos to the Internet.”

“What.”

“Yeah, video artists.” Dan agreed trying to add flourish to their title

Goddammit.


	2. July 2012 (again)

July 2012

The very next day after my first encounter with my new neighbors, I was on the phone with the landlord trying to have a very frank discussion. 

“No, no they said it to my face,” I said into the receiver of my phone “They said and I quote “we make and post videos to the Internet” how is that any different from those girls here before!”

“Making videos as pass time is not a crime.” The landlord replied 

“No but they said they do it for a living! What else could they possibly be doing with video equipment for money?” I said growing increasingly livid 

“I spoke with both of the boys personally, they seemed to be nothing but A-Okay chaps.” 

I could feel my face turning red “So you are not going to do anything about this?”

“What can I do Matthew? It’s not illegal or against our code of conduct to have a video camera and use it. If they have found a way to make money doing it then good for them, I see no infraction.” 

“What if I could prove that they’re doing things like those last two?” I suggested trying to turn this conversation around before we hit the dead end that I knew we were approaching 

“If you can bring me proof that they are violating either a law or a conduct rule in the building then fine I will step in, but until then just try to get along.”

“Ill bring you proof, count on that.” I said hanging up the phone 

I had heard the two of them pacing around upstairs all morning, I couldn’t tell why but it had been going on for a while. They were talking too, about what I wasn’t sure yet but I could here muffled voices through the ceiling. 

I went over to my air vent, which I happened to know for a fact connected to their vents and was direct access to their flat. I was quite for a moment and listened. 

“We need furniture.” Said the voice that I knew to be Dan quite plainly 

“We have a wardrobe we could start by putting that together?” Phil suggested in suit 

“Great.” 

“It might be fun actually,” Phil, said, “I could make a video out of it and we could show off how manly we are.”

“Get the cordless hammer drill out.” Dan said in a tone that was presumably accompanied with a dramatic roll of the eyes 

So they were making a video today then…this could be my chance to get them out of here fast and efficiently. 

I waited for a few minutes as they could be heard moving things around and occasionally yelling things like 

“Where are the cameras again?” and “In the box marked Cameras you idiot.” 

I could here Phil begin some kind of introduction to their project and I began my wait for something to start getting weird. I would keep waiting as it turned out. Their endeavor span several obnoxious hours of them arguing about directions and where missing parts may have ended up, followed by insecure conversation about if certain things were funny or not enough to be included or ‘edited out’. 

While I did catch a few wood related innuendos their project ended without any of the loud techno music or sexual noises that their predecessors had gleefully emitted while filming their brand of entertainment. 

By about 5 O’clock that night there was a knock at my door and I was inclined to answer. 

Stood there tall and glamorous was Emily my girlfriend. 

“Emily!” I exclaimed happy to see her “You did tell me that you would stop over today.”

She smiled and that gap between her two front teeth showed and made me smile the same. 

“I wanted to surprise you,” she said letting her self in and taking off her jacket “I heard that your new neighbors moved it.”

“How did you hear that?” 

“You landlord called me…I am your emergency contact…” 

I felt anger begin to simmer in my chest “He called my emergency contact?? He thinks I’m having a mental break down?!”

She tried to smile softly but I could see in her eyes that she agreed “You did try to convince him to evict two young boys for making videos on the Internet for fun.”

“AND for money.” I interjected; it was like no one else could see how shady that was 

“But who cares, I am here and we are going to have a good time.” She insisted waltzing up my stairs and into my kitchen before opening a shelf and removing a bottle of white wine and two glasses. 

I sighed and went into my lounge and flopped down onto my sofa. 

She came in a few minutes later with two glasses of wine and handed one to me before turning on the TV. We watched a baking show in silence for the better part of an hour just in a silent snuggle. 

She looked up at me as the episode ended and sat up from where she had sunk into my chest. 

“Better?”

“I guess.” I said somewhat indignantly 

“You know if they ever did do something bad you could just worry about it then, but for now there’s no point in worrying and being mad over something that hasn’t happened yet.”

I frowned “I can try.” 

She laughed and drank the last of her wine before speaking again “how about I stay the night and we just see how that goes.”

“I’d like that.”

As we were both settling in for the night I could hear music start to play over head in their apartment. 

“Damn it.” 

“You said they were young boys right?” Emily said, “Well young people are allowed to play their music you know.”

‘This late at night?”

“I think that might actually be the hallmark of youth Matt.” 

She kissed me on the cheek and turned over onto her side lost in the dark, but not so much that I couldn’t feel her warmth or here her breath next to me. 

I heard my alarm go off the next morning and I woke up in a groggy haze. Emily was still next to me in my bed and now stirring from her sleep. 

The clock read 8 am and I knew that I would have to get across town before 10, but that was enough time to…wake up leisurely…

I rolled over and kissed Emily in the crease of her neck.

Her warm hand landed softly on my cheek as she smiled. 

“Good morning sunshine,” She said, “Should you be getting into the shower first?”

“I need to wake up before I do that.” 

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

I kissed her again. 

“Well that’s one way,” she giggled catching my drift “But I am going to get the shower first afterwards.”

“Deal.” I said smiling for the first time in a while 

Though it was early, we howled like monkeys. Emily kept saying that we would have to be quite so as not to wake the neighbors, but I didn’t care. If they got to be loud late at night, it seemed fair that I got to be loud during the morning. 

I would later find out that these moments of pleasure in my early mornings would later earn me notoriety in the internet; as those neighbors of mine went on to discuss me and my love life and request sarcastically that I ‘wait until at least 10:30’. But I am getting ahead of myself here, as this is in fact a long story.


	3. September 2012

September 2012

Over the next days and weeks I came to almost expect to hear their voices. It seemed that they were always talking, so rarely was I not over hearing one argument or conversation of theirs. Dan’s southern accent could always be heard the loudest, he had elegant arguments usually and more than once I had heard him quote Lord Byron in the midst of arguments about dishes and the TV remote, but then Kanye West in discussions about philosophy and the existential. Phil was the quieter of the two of them for sure, his sometimes small northern voice got lost over Dan’s but when he got involved in real arguments and discussions he didn’t cite great thinkers or musicians but somehow it seemed that he always won. 

The point being that I was very accustomed to their voices and the insignificant little things that were going on in their lives—most of which I didn’t really even understand though to be fair. 

While I came to accept that they were entertaining, it didn’t take long for me to grow tired of not just the topics of their petty squabbles but also the very sound of their voices.

I woke up that morning to an early fight about what I gathered somehow involved cereal and I found myself shoving my face into my pillow and screaming—this was becoming grueling. 

I showered fast with my music blaring to drown them out and hopefully make a point about inside voices and privacy—one that evidently fell hard on deaf ears. 

I dressed and rushed out the door and to my office on the other side of the city. I didn’t love my job, but I didn’t loathe it in the depths of my soul—as were usually the two categories that things in my life could be sorted into. I finished the day and stayed behind for a while to finish some paperwork and by the time that I was turning off my computer and turning off my desk lamp it was just after 6 in the evening. 

On my way out of the building I felt the vibrations of my cell phone in my left breast pocket and saw the name “Kieran” come up on screen. I felt a sigh of irritation erupt from the bowels of my soul. What did he want now?!

I called over a taxi and answered the call hesitantly just as I was sliding into the back seat and giving my address. 

“Hey man!” he chimed into my ear, overly enthusiastically 

“Hi Kieran.” I said slowly 

“Hey, so a few of the guys from the football league and I were going down to the pub tonight and I wanted to see if you were game?”

I sighed, this was by no means his worst suggestion or invitation. Admittedly it sounded good to get out and get to ignore everything at home, but I was also exhausted and in no mood to socialize as usual. It felt like a trap. 

“You know man I would like to, but I really should be getting back home for and early night,” I said before following up to lighten the blow falsely with “but it sounds like a lot of fun and I’d love to get away from home some other time.” 

“Oh okay,” he said sort of disappointed “Oh yeah! How are things at home? I heard that you got some new roommates from Emily.”

“Yeah.”

“So…how’s that going…?”

“It’s fine, why is it that everyone is convinced that I am having some kind of mental break down?”

“Dude you kicked two hot girls out of your building for making web videos…only crazy people do stuff like that.”

“They were doing things Kieran, they weren’t following conduct rules! Any good resident would have reported them!”

“You and I have very different definitions of ‘good’ then.”

Jesus Christ this guy was exhausting. 

“I’ve heard that the new neighbors aren’t even a particular upgrade in the career aspect.” He said 

“Yeah it might not be the same, but I can never know for sure.”

“Have you heard them doing any of that stuff like the two before? Or talking like them?” he probed 

“No, they seem to just argue about cereal and sing duets of high school musical songs all day long to be honest.”

“Yikes…” 

“Yikes.” I agreed 

My cab rounded a corner and I new that we were just about to take the turn down my street.

“I am just sick of even hearing their voices at this point, ya know?”

“Haha yeah,” Kieran laughed, “What did you say their names were again?”

It just so happened that in that very moment my driver tired of the current radio station and turned a nob and out of the speakers burst their voices. 

“Hello and welcome to the Dan and Phil Show!” said Phil whose voice was now booming from the stereo 

“On BBC Radio One!” Dan added in cheerfully following in suit 

I stopped and my cell phone slipped from my hand and landed on the leather interior seats with a thump.

“Hello?” Kieran’s voice echoed from the phone, now far away from my ear 

“What is that,” I asked urgently lurching forward in my car seat “What is this on the Radio right now?”

The burly driver let loose a harsh cough like laugh, “Mate, they just said, it’s the Dan and Phil Show,” he said rolling his eyes at me and with a twinge of sarcasm “On BBC Radio One.”

“Is this a radio program?” I asked “One that’s on consistently?”

“Yeah I guess, every few weeks at least I would guess. It gets requested from time to time, a few girls that I drove home one night requested the station. It must have gotten stuck in my head I guess.”

This was getting ridiculous; even away from my apartment I couldn’t escape their nagging voices. Here in a cab outside of my home and away from them, they followed me. Hearing their voices erupt from the speakers was almost surreal. 

The cab pulled up to my building and I paid before sliding out and beginning the descent up the innumerable stairs to my apartment. I climbed each one slowly and thoughtlessly in a trance before reaching my door and just standing in front of it unmoving and unthinking, just staring, reflecting. Before I knew it, my key had opened the door and I was inside. I almost floated to my bed and flopped face down onto the duvet, screaming into the pillow for the second time just that day…


	4. December 2012

December 2012 

By this point in my tale of personal growth, the easy part was over and what would be the hardest part was just beginning. 

I woke up on that morning with a raging headache and cramps throughout my very being. I pulled myself up into a sitting position on my bed like a limp marionette. The room started spinning. 

I lurched forward and fell face down onto the duvet before growing and struggling to get myself back up. 

I couldn’t remember much but as I dragged myself into the shower and threw up a few times I began to remember a little bit of the night before. 

The weeks building up to this had been hard ones. I had been getting exponentially more tired of my two upstairs neighbors day by day it seemed. Their loud music was an irritant, their sporadic sleep schedules kept me up, and what was worse was the growing frequencies of their arguments. I couldn’t tell what they were all about but whatever it was it made both of them very angry and when they were angry they got loud. 

 

All I did was begin to express my dissatisfaction with the noise to a few people and things around me started going to shit. Emily was the first to lose her cool with me, we had a nasty fight and we both said some things but we were still holding our hardest punches waiting for the knock out round. After that mess I tried to reach out to friends, Kieran and others were equally as unsympathetic to my cause. They all told me that I was obsessed with these two and that I was ruining my own life by focusing on them and “wanting a reason to be miserable.” It was utterly ridiculous. 

This all kept building, as the fighting upstairs got worse and as I continuously got less and less sleep each night. By the time that last night came around we reached the peak. Kieran and my other friends wouldn’t call me back or return my texts and emails, but worst of all was that Emily was at her boiling point and threw her KO punch at me before leaving late at night, slamming the door and calling me names that I would rather not repeat. Needless to say part of this involved her calling me out, me trying to defend my cause and her deciding that we needed to take a break as a couple. 

Remembering these moments lead me to vomit again as I buckled over in the shower and watched my own bile swirl down the drain with the steaming water pouring down my back. 

Drinking my sorrows wasn’t my usual play, but Emily had stood by me through a lot and I could feel her loss in every aspect of my world. 

I came out of the shower and dressed while thanking every god and a few superheroes that I didn’t have work today—I was certainly in no condition. 

After downing two cups od extra strong coffee I left my apartment and ventured downstairs to get the mail, but I was greeted with an unusual sight as I prepared to exit my house. 

“That is absolutely it!” Phil’s voice thundered from the top of the stairs “I can’t deal with this any more! This is ruining my life Dan!”

“You think I enjoy this?!” Dan shouted back, his voice cracking slightly 

“I don’t know, all I know is that I never had this problem before I met you!” Phil screamed 

Dan stood there awe struck and in disbelief of Phil’s furry 

“I need some time.” Phil said simply as he tore down the stairs stumping down each one as he ran, his face red and the beginnings of tears pooled in his eyes 

As the building’s door slammed shut down on the ground floor I heard Dan scream incoherently and the loud thud of his presumably punching a wall.

I slipped out of my door and tip toed down stairs. I opened my mail box and tried to quiet even my breathing in hopes of maximum stealth despite the fact that the entire room seemed to have become a massive Tilt-a-whirl. 

I turned to head back up—my letters and catalogs in hand—when I saw Dan standing at the entrance to the stairs. His eyes were puffy and he seemed to be shaking with either rage or sadness, maybe both. 

“I suppose you heard all of that.” Dan said miserably “He was yelling really loud.”

You were too there buddy I wanted to tell him but didn’t. 

“Yeah I did.”

“Everything is just so shit right now,” He said exhausted “I’m sure we are going to get through this, but it just all feels so hopeless right now.”

Though we had never exchanged more than passing pleasantries, he seemed to have no objection to sharing his personal life and stories with me. I wondered why he was so accustomed to it…?

“I’m sure it will all work out.” I said monotone 

He rubbed his hands down his face and then back through his hair as he sighed loudly.

It might have been because of the hangover, my own emotional baggage at the moment or even just the fact that he seemed to vulnerable in that moment, but I asked him if he was alright and I actually wanted to know. 

“No not really,” he said, “Our lives are kind of complicated and it is hard to explain but we’re just dealing with some stuff related to that.”

“Do you want to talk?” I asked in a rare moment of clarity and genuine kindness 

He looked at me with big wet eyes and nodded and without a word motioned for me to follow him up to their flat. A moment later I was sitting in his lounge drinking a cup of tea that he had made me while he paced around the room. 

“What exactly is the problem?” I asked taking a sip of the piping hot tea 

“Well that sort of requires a long story about how our lives work and I really don’t need to bore you with all that, but suffice it to say that our lives are very public, and we generally are quite open and honest with the public.”

Me a week ago would have leapt off of the couch and screamed something like “I knew it!” but in that moment I was too tired and too hung over to jump to any kind of conclusion. 

“Ok.” I said 

“And it’s just…everyone that we work with or I guess you could say work for, our viewers I mean, have kind of caught on to something and they wont let go.”

“Caught on to what?”

“They have suddenly all seemingly become fixated on the idea of a romance between Phil and I.” he said honestly 

“How do you mean?”

“They all believe that Phil and I are dating.”

I stopped for a moment and thought back to the domestic arguments, the matching clothes, the weird way that they stood so close and finished each others sentences…

“…You mean to say you aren’t?” I asked slowly 

His face was frozen for a moment and he opened his mouth to argue before collapsing onto the couch next to me wearied and after pushing a pillow up to his face and yelling in frustration, he with genuine and almost childlike curiosity asked

“Is it really that obvious?”

I nodded honestly “I assumed so at least.”

He sighed “But the thing is that we were keeping it secret and neither of us are out to our friends or family yet so…we can’t very well have this going around.”

“I get that.”

“It is just getting really hard for us to keep up pretenses and the longer we spend denying it to the public the more and more it seems we have to keep out distance. Now when we film or are out and about we can’t even stand to close much less hold hands or link arms without people trying to out us to the world.”

I just kept listening, it seemed like he had a lot to get off of his chest. 

“And not only that but the stress this secret has is painful for both of us and makes us feel shameful and like we are lying and hiding ourselves from everyone we know. Plus the more and more we deny it the harder and harder it will be when to come back from one day when we finally decide to tell the truth.”

After that he trailed off and was silent for moment.

“W-what if…I mean what if this is all because Phil doesn’t want to be with me? What if doing this drove him away or maybe he’s doing this because he never wanted to be with me to begin with?!” 

“Can I give you some advice?” I asked taking another sip of my tea 

He nodded innocently 

“As someone who just ended a long time relationship, let me tell you to just be honest.”

His eyes widened   
“It seems to me that if these are the problems you are having and the thoughts that you can’t escape, you should talk about them to Phil.”

He shook his head “Phil doesn’t want to talk about any of this, he says I shouldn’t either.” 

I couldn’t help but think of how Emily told me the same thing just hours before. 

“Whatever you do Dan, you are meant to be with him you will be. And if that takes a little work from you, you need to be willing to do that. “

“What if being honest drives him further away though? I can’t imagine my life without him.”

“When two people are meant to be together, they keep ending up together no matter what. It’s like fate pulling them together. I don’t really know you Dan, but if you care about someone and having them in your life this much it seems to me that you might be one of these beautiful rare cases.”

He was silent. 

“Thanks.”

I set my teacup down and stood up. 

“No matter what Dan, even if you’re aren’t ready to be together out and about that doesn’t mean that you can’t still be with each other. But you need to find what works for you and Phil, just don’t make my mistake and keep dwelling on the things that pull you apart, get back instead to the things that brought you together, the things that brought you close to each other to begin with.”

As I left his house with that one final note I swore for just a moment I could see the thin shadow of a smile cross his sullen and weary face.

As I walked back into my own house I felt a strange warmth in my chest and with no intention of throwing a fit or raging on, I picked up my phone and called Emily to make one last attempt to be honest, and to make a promise to my self and to her that I would never put another thing before her again so long as I live.


	5. July 2013

July 2013 

The few months that followed my last interaction with Dan were quiet ones. I didn’t see much of them around and they were a lot more quiet upstairs, the yelling particularly hit a sharp decline—thank god. I still heard their voices from time to time through the walls and vents, and I certainly heard them on the radio in cabs and other public spaces, but I didn’t feel angry or frustrated anymore when I heard them speak. Something changed after my heart to heart with Dan in December, I don’t know how to explain it but I stopped feeling the need to stop them or catch them, I almost felt proud of them and slightly protective? Whatever it was, I was glad that they seemed to be working out their problems. 

My time with Emily was well spent as well; we sat down and talked for hours and hours after I first called her. We talked, yelled, and may have even cried a little bit in there somewhere, but we got back on track and anything was worth that to me. 

But that silence and the hushed speaking and tones broke on July 6th 2013 with an ecstatic scream around 9 in the morning. 

I bolted upright in bed; still dreamy and unaware I felt around for my light switch and squeezed my eyes tight as my room flooded with yellow light. 

“Dan!” Phil’s usually calm voice squealed 

I heard muffled footsteps as Dan ran quickly from his bedroom into the lounge. 

“What is it?” Dan’s voice huffed breathlessly “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Phil said brightly “Look!”

What I heard next was a moment of silence followed by hushed shrieking. 

“Oh my god Phil!” Dan said as his feet hit the floor delicately and in a rhythm suggesting that an excited ‘happy dance’ was occurring 

I couldn’t tell exactly but there was a silence that followed that in the context of the moment and what I knew of their lives I interpreted as either a hug or a kiss. Both were about equally likely. 

“One Million Subscribers Phil!” Dan squealed finally giving away the subject of his excitement. 

Over these few months after Dan confirmed that they made videos I did some research—which turned out to be as easy as just goggling their first names side by side and clicking the first result. I found that they made videos for a website called YouTube, and as a man whose computer is a dusty untouched desktop from the more recent turn of the millennium, I was not immediately aware of the what the site was but further searching showed it to be a harmless social video sharing platform. It was not in fact a porn site. Whoops. 

I had in recent weeks spent enough time snooping around to learn enough about the platform to understand what subscribers were and to know that a Million was a lot to have in 2013. 

 

“That is so amazing!” Dan said again in tone of absolute awe

Another thing that I had figured out for myself since our conversation was that Dan’s opinion of Phil was in the absolute highest degree. He cared what Phil thought and he cared that he was successful and happy. His current tone fit this analysis well as I could best describe Dan and sounding “proud” in that very moment. 

“I can’t believe it!” Phil said “A million people like my videos…” 

Phil talked as if he couldn’t believe he had gotten here, and Dan responding as if he couldn’t believe it had taken this long for Phil to have been recognized. 

“We need to celebrate!” Dan announced, “This is a special occasion that we must remember!” 

Phil laughed heartily as Dan rambled through a list of destinations ranging from laser tag to the orchestra, from fine dining to corner shop Thai food. 

“I think,” Phil, said standing up, obviously smiling based on his tone “I should start by making a video.”

“A video?”

“Yeah I should let everyone know that I just passed this mile stone, and thank them for the support and the inspiration over all of these years.”

I heard Dan’s voice muffle again as he no doubt leaned in for a tight hug and said “Only you reach a personal achievement like this, and think first and foremost of your viewers.”

“It’s the normal response.” Phil said casually 

“No it’s not,” Dan said lovingly “But it is your response and I love that about you.”

Phil giggled as I heard them both fall onto their sofa laughing on top of each other. 

I smiled feeling strangely happy myself, and tossed over in my bed falling back asleep for just a little while longer. 

That night I had just come back from dinner with Emily and was unlocking my apartment door when I heard to pairs of footprints running down the stairs coming right at me. 

“Hey…uh Matt right?” I heard Dan say as walked past dressed up the nines in a snazzy black suit 

“Yeah. Hi Dan.” I said opening up my door and stepping in but keeping an eye as Phil followed right after also clad in an expensive looking suit and tie. 

They both had this look of youthful optimism on their faces as they paraded past. 

“You boys going out for the night?” I asked from inside my doorway 

“Yeah,” Dan said blissfully “We’re celebrating.” 

I felt a warm smile on my face as I somewhat jokingly asked “Celebrating what?” As if I didn’t already know. 

“Just a special milestone.” Phil said simplifying for my benefit the complexities of what a celebration is called for in their line of work 

“You must be headed somewhere nice.” I observed 

“Nice enough,” Dan said idyllically “It’s a special occasion.”

“Alright, you boys have a nice night.” I said ducking away and closing the door 

As I did though, I watched as Dan reached and grabbed onto Phil’s hand tightly, he pulled him gently but euphorically down the stairs just behind him and just within his reach off to whatever destination awaited their triumphant celebration.


	6. October 2013

October 2013 

These last few months had felt like absolute bliss. 

I finally had Emily back and we were on great terms, my job was going well (I might even be up for promotion), I found a Spice Girls song on Spotify that I hadn’t heard yet, and best of all the yelling upstairs had ended for good. I could feel something in the air that just made me feel calm and serene. Like everything was right in the world. 

Then all of a sudden one night that feeling came shattering down around me. 

I was laying in bed with my iPod playing that aforementioned Spice Girl’s jam, and a thrift store book in my hands when I heard the door slam upstairs. I don’t mean that it closed loudly, or that it might have caught a gust of wind and shut too suddenly, I mean it slammed shut and I felt the foundations of the building shutter. 

I didn’t mean to, it must have been reflex but I jolted up right and hopped out of bed. I waited for a second to see if it would happen again but as I heard angry loud footsteps plowing down the steps I knew it wouldn’t. 

I jogged quickly over to my door and looked out my door as Phil from upstairs came bounding down the stairs. 

“Phil?” I said confused as he rushed passed me “Was that you?”

He stopped for just a minute and turned to me showing me his red watery eyes and his hot scrunched up face. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” He said clearly trying to keep his cool 

“Is…is everything alright up there?” I asked poking my nose out and looking up the stairs to see if, as usual, Dan was right behind him—he wasn’t. 

“Yeah,” Phil said quickly, holding back tears “Everything is great.”

He could tell right away from my concerned expression that I knew he was lying. 

He just crumpled up his face again looking like he was about to fall to pieces before running off down the stairs at top speed. 

I didn’t even think but I slammed my door behind me and I ran down after him. 

I followed him down to the lobby and then out the door to an open park space just slightly across the street from our building. He threw himself onto a bench and hunched over sobbing angrily into his hands his hot breath visible in the cool October air. 

“Phil…” I whispered supportively as I came up behind him and took a seat at his side 

“I’m sorry you really didn’t have to come after me, I don’t mean to be a bother.” He stuttered in between pained and segmented breaths 

“Don’t worry about it,” I said smoothly “Did you and Dan have a fight?” I asked remembering how I had comforted Dan just a few months ago 

“No, no it’s nothing like that,” he said miserably “Dan doesn’t even know I’m out here.” 

I admit I was confused. 

“Alright, what’s wrong then?”

“What’s wrong is that I am the worst boyfriend in the entire world!” He said erupting into tears again and burying his face in his hands 

“Oh it cant be that bad,” I said lightly “I ignored my girlfriend for weeks and then months at a time recently because I was stalking you two.”

He looked up from his hands slowly “Wait what?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But…I-I…wait what?”

“The point is that I am a far worse boyfriend than you.”

“I wish that were true,” he said softly “I might actually just be a bad friend, or even a bad person much less a bad boyfriend.”

“What happened Phil?” I asked 

He breathed out slowly a single heavy breath as be tried to build up courage.

“Do you promise not to judge me for this?” he asked, “Because I promise you I am not proud of this.”

“Whatever it is, I won’t judge.” 

He slouched back and looked up at the night sky for a second before talking. I could see the starlight in his blue eyes and the glimmer of the many streetlights around the pavement. He looked so pensive with the shadows falling across is face, I couldn’t quite read him, but I knew whatever he was going through must be rough. 

“So…” he began slowly “I’ve known Dan since like 2008, right?” he said asking a rhetorical question to which I just nodded 

“And well, since I have known him, I have been kind of like his mentor,” he said “with life stuff, and especially with YouTube—our jobs I mean.” 

I gave him a supportive smile encouraging him to continue 

“And it’s just I really liked that dynamic in our relationship, I liked being able to give him support and have him look up to me,” he said starting to look down at his feet “and these past few months especially we’ve both been gaining a lot of subscribers—which is why we were out celebrating that one night.”

I laughed thinking about how happy they had both seemed that night. Then I felt my face fall as I wondered how it had come to this?

“It’s just that…well we have both been getting lots of new fans but…Dan has been getting a lot more than me,” he said “And there have been all of these comments lately about how great he is and how much better looking than me he is and I know it’s stupid but I don’t feel like our relationship is going to be the same after this, I feel like he may decide he doesn’t need me, cause he won’t respect me as a creator any more or my advice or ideas.”

I listened to his voice get rigid and his breath go flaccid. 

“I really want to be happy for him, that’s what a good boyfriend much less a good friend or person would do, right?” he said again not waiting for an answer “But all I can think of is how he is surpassing me when I used to be like his ‘teacher’. I don’t feel important any more, I feel like because I matter less to the fans, maybe I will matter less to him. I can’t help him anymore, my advice isn’t worth anything anymore…I’m irrelevant.”

“No you’re not.” Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth

He looks up with big doe eyes 

“You know I had a heart to heart with Dan a little while ago.” I prompted 

“You did?”

“Yeah, and let me tell you what you already know,” I said “That boy cares more about you and your wellbeing and your opinion of him more than he does anything else in the world.”

I can almost see his thin lips start to form a smile 

“All he wants is to be loved by you, and that feeling you have right now? That one where your mind is telling you that you don’t matter? That is what he feels all the time.” 

I breathe in and out before continuing

“He feels insignificant next to you because it’s a state of mind,” I say “It’s not personal, all that means is now you are both feeling the same thing and that means that you both are finally ready to support each other fully.”

His mouth drops slightly

“You both know that feeling now, and that means you both have the power to take it away from the other.” I said with a smile “You both rely on each other for everything and now you can both give each other the last thing that you both need, encouragement.” 

He frowns “But I should still be happy for him right? I don’t, that’s bad.”

“It’s just a change,” I swear “It’s okay to feel weird about a big change like this, this is weird don’t forget that. Be happy for him when you can but don’t push down how you feel now, every emotion is valid and deserves to be felt.” 

He wipes a tear from his red-hot cheek and lurches forward to hug me. For a minute I’m paralyzed, I can’t move, but then I smile and I hug him back feeling his warmth against me.

“Thanks,” he says gently “I needed that.”

After a minute of contemplative silence, I wrap my arm around his shoulder and steer him back into the building across the street. 

“I don’t know how this might have gone if you hadn’t been standing there tonight.” He admitted weakly 

“It would have been alright.” I promised 

As we began walking up the stairs to our respective homes I catch myself humming and feeling warmth inside my chest. 

“Is that the Spice Girls?” he asks as we continue to walk without breaking pace 

“You bet it is,” I say without pausing “It’s a jam too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear feedback and thoughts and opinions if you guys have them! Please feel free to comment!


	7. February 2014

February 2014 

When I opened my eyes that morning it was still dark. I could only see the vague shadows and outlines of my room thanks to the dim glow coming from the alarm clock display at my bedside. I tossed over to my side facing away from the light and felt warmth spread through my body as my eyes fell on Emily’s sleeping form in the bed next to me. I smiled watching her chest slowly rise and fall. She gave me such a pure and simple happiness that I could never describe, I was overjoyed simply by the sight of her. As I peered up at her hand on the pillow by her head and glanced at the diamond ring that now glinted in even this faint light, I knew that I had finally done something right. 

When I awoke for good later that morning Emily was already out of bed and in the lounge sipping coffee in her morning robe. 

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.” She greeted as I walked through the doorway 

“Ah yes, awoken by true loves kiss.” I said walking over and gently kissing her forehead 

“There’s toast and jam in the kitchen.” She chuckled taking another sip of her drink

“Truly a feast.” I laughed as I went off to start my day 

By midday we had both read the paper and were now dressed and strolling up and down the streets, peaking in window displays in the downtown shopping area. Just as we were about to discuss lunch Emily’s phone rang and I slowed so that she could answer. 

“Really? Was that tonight?” she said slightly shocked “I completely forgot, I am so sorry Liam.”

She covered the speaker of her phone with her hand and whispered to me:  
“Do you have any interest in going over to Liam’s tonight for his Brit’s Viewing Part?”

I could see instantly that she knew I had no interest in celebrities, and no knowledge about pop culture, but still wanted to go anyways. I gave her a shrug followed by me mouthing the words “Yeah, why not,” for her sake. 

So that night when we were both dressed up and sitting in her friend Liam’s flat around a flat screen TV surrounded by about seven other people, I kept reminding myself that I was here for her and that I could make it through this night. 

“Drink mate?” Kieran said suggestively holding out a cup filled with a dubious cocktail of his own creation 

“Hand it over.” I said taking the brownish/greenish liquid from him to appease him, and then only ever sniffing the strange concoction but never taking a sip out of fear for my own life.

“Alright gang,” Liam said walking into the room “To help us avoid commercials tonight I’ve hooked up my computer to display the live broadcast from the Internet on the TV. So bare with my while I complete the set up.”

“The internet cast doesn’t show commercials?” Emily asked from her seat on the couch next to me 

“Nah,” he said fiddling with wires behind the TV “They’ve got to blokes doing a backstage thing instead at the breaks apparently.” 

“Who?” Asked a girl I didn’t know from the other side of the room 

“Don’t know, two blokes from the radio I suppose.” 

I made brief eye contact with Emily who met my eyes and seemed to say, “You don’t suppose that it could be…” to which I incredulously responded, “I wouldn’t be surprised.” 

As the show got underway I sat back and tried to enjoy it as much as I could. I tried desperately to care about who won for Best New Album and Best Female Artist, but even Beyoncé’s performance couldn’t seem to get me involved.

“Bet you wish the Spice Girls were still an act ay Matt.” Kieran slurred from his seat at me 

I glared at him “I told you that in private Kieran.”

“Yeah you did, but come one mate, that is too funny not to bring up repeatedly.”

I gave him a death glower and then proceeded to stare at my cup debating whether it would be worth it to risk dying tonight just to get out of this discussion.

“If I drink this and have to be taken to A&E tonight, would you blame me?” I whispered to Emily 

“You’re being a drama queen.” She informed me before taking a drink of her own mysterious cocktail 

As the first set of awards and performances came to a close and the rest of the world was treated to some bland English commercials, the camera cut to a small set with Dan and Phil both sat on a couch in center view. 

“Oh my god.” I said 

All I could hear was Emily snickering next to me

They talked about some of the artists and set up a strange sort of guessing game and then introduced the next act before the screen cut back to the main stage. 

“Those two look familiar?” said one guy from the other end of the room 

“Yeah, they’re on the radio loads.” Said Liam nodding in agreement 

“No, like they look familiar too though…” he said seemingly deep in thought trying to match a name to a face 

“Do you watch YouTube?” Emily suggested giving me a sly nudge in the ribs 

“That’s it!” he laughed, “My two nieces showed me a video they did. Wait how did you know them?”

“They’re our upstairs neighbors.” She responded taking another sip of her drink

“These are the two infamous porn stars upstairs?” Kieran said almost spitting out his drink “These are your mortal coils and nemesis?!”

I wanted to burry myself in the sofa.

Just then the screen glitched and the main stage disappeared and the screen changed to the small back studio showing Dan and Phil slow dancing to Ed Sheeran’s main stage performance. They both realized the technical error and stopped dancing abruptly following a graceful and somewhat romantic twirl. Their pale faces turned red and right before the screen changed back I could see that their hands were still intertwined. 

After watching the display on the screen Kieran looked back at me 

“Nah never mind,” he said with a casual shrug “I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why you thought they were fucking eachother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any thoughts or comments about the chapter or story I would love to hear them, so please feel free to leave them below!


	8. August 2014

August 2014 

It was around this time, about 6 months into our marriage when Emily first started hinting that we should move out and somewhere new. It started with just a few subtle hints like showing me pictures from real-estate sites of small houses outside of the city that she “just thought were cute.” Then I got a few sly comments about maybe getting a dog or a cat and she would say, “I wonder if this building even allows pets.” Needless to say after a prolonged period of time these hints finally started adding up and even with my thick oblivious skull I was starting to get the hint. 

“Have you ever considered buying our first home?” I asked her one day as we were lounged on the sofa watching House Hunters International on a particularly rainy humid afternoon

She sat up from where she was laying against my shoulder and met my eyes. 

“Are you serious?” She asked me blank faced 

For a moment I wondered if maybe I had misunderstood her hints or if I had picked a bad time to ask. I had hoped that the context of this TV show might help the topic seem more organic. 

“Uh…yes…?”

“You know I have actually given it a little bit of thought,” she said faux casually as if she hadn’t been giving hints for the better part of a month. “What do you think about it?” She asked 

“Where ever you are, I am happy to be.” I told her honestly 

She smiled brilliantly

For just a moment thought I experienced something I hadn’t expected. I was happy about our future, really I was so don’t get that wrong. It’s just that I felt an odd pang of nostalgia for this place. I was connected to it in a way and the sudden thought of giving it up and moving away gave me a sense of discomfort. I was aware that over the past years I had come a long way in terms of thinking of others and opening myself up, but this apartment was somewhat special to me and this unforeseen scenario was sending me spiraling back a ways. 

We looked at a few houses near by online and I think that my distress was fairly obvious as Emily promised me that we would do this slowly and comfortably. I was glad that she said that because even looking at a small bunch of homes brought me stress up to a maximum level. I was thankful for some relief when we called it a day and logged out of the site. 

That night long after Emily was fast asleep I was laid awake on my side of the mattress staring at the ceiling. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears and I suddenly felt a hot flash out of nowhere. I slipped out of the bed discretely and got a glass of water from the kitchen. When even this couldn’t calm my nerves or cool down my temperature I slipped on my shoes and went for a walk.

I probably looked quite odd in just a pair of shorts and a messy T-shirt walking around halfway through the night in my flip-flops, but admittedly I didn’t really care. 

I hadn’t even really expected anyone else to be up and walking, but to my surprise I did get a few odd looks from strangers passing by. 

I decided after a few more moments in the muggy air to duck inside a pub on the corner for a drink just to escape prying eyes and the intense heat. 

I took a seat at the bar and the bartender took one look at me and laughed. 

“Get kicked out of your flat there mate?” he said in a deep voice “The wife got you in the dog house?” 

I had always hated those kinds of sayings because they insinuated that it was the wife of the girlfriend’s fault if I did something bad and made her angry—seemed sexist even to an old fashioned guy like myself—but I nodded and laughed anyway feeling too tired to tell the truth and go into my whole story. 

After my first drink of the night I was considering leaving and going back home, but my plans for the night changed after the bell over the door chimed and like clockwork Dan and Phil came in took a seat in a far booth.

While I admit that I was curious about why they were up and out this late, that wasn’t the reason they peeked my curiosity. Even from the moment they pushed the door open I could tell something weird was going on. It was like they were lying to each other? Not directly, but they would both smile and chuckle and look like everything was right in the world and then as soon as the other turned away their smile would fade and something else would be left in its place. Was it sorrow? No. Ennui? No. It was nostalgia. There was a sense of longing on both of their faces and yet they were hiding it from each other. 

They didn’t see me at first they just came in quietly and took their seat and then sat in pseudo silence both avoiding eye contact and both staring half-heartedly at their menus while making casual and meaningless small talk. 

Eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore and I was about to stand up and walk over when Dan stood up and came up to the counter—likely to place their orders.

“Hey Dan.” I said as casually as I could so as not to suggest I had been watching and analyzing them for the better part of ten minutes 

He jumped a little at first and then saw it was me and he calmed back down. 

“Oh hey…Matt, right?” He said

I pushed down a slight bit of irritation that after all these years he couldn’t remember my name. 

“Yeah,” I just said “What are you two doing up and about at this hour?”

He looked down at his shoes.

“We just got out of our last radio show.”

“Your last one?”

“Well no not the last one ever, it’s just moving nights and getting a new title.” He said like he had more to say but didn’t want to say it 

“That’s cool.” I said

“Yeah…”

“You don’t seem pleased,” I noticed “Why?”

“It just feels sort of like the end of an era I guess,” he admitted “Phil and I moved to London so we could be closer to BBC for the Radio show so this just feels weird.”

“But you’re still doing it right? The show?”

“Yeah, but things are changing about it, and tonight is going to be the last time we do the radio show exactly as it has been for the past years.” I could see in his eyes that he was genuinely sad 

“Yeah, change is hard.” I told him fighting the urge to comfort him further and make this awkward 

“Our chosen professions are slightly unstable as you might assume,” he said “and the radio show was our constant, now things just feel very up in the air, you know?”

I nodded and took a sip of my drink 

“You were smiling when you came in though.” I reminded him 

He looked down again “Yeah, that’s because Phil is excited about the change, he is so much better at dealing with stuff like this…” 

“He’s not excited.” I informed Dan

“What do you mean?” He asked slightly confused 

“He’s just a person too you know,” I informed him “I know you look up to him, but remember that he feels the same things you do.”

He nodded absently 

“You should just talk to him,” I said “I saw his face when you came in, he’s deep in thought too. If talking about all of this change will help you you should do it.”

He glanced over at Phil who just waved weakly and smiled

“Maybe you’re right…”

“Just give it a thought,” I said “If you’re feeling something you should tell someone, and you’re lucky enough to have Phil to talk to if you need to.”

“Is that what you do?” he asked me abruptly 

I was silent for a moment.

“I’ve seen a woman around your apartment a lot,” he said “do you talk to your girlfriend about the big changes in your life?”

“Not as much as I should,” I admitted while fighting the urge to correct him and saw “wife” “But this is more of a do as I say, not as I do kind of thing.” I laughed

He looked down and counter and chuckled a little too.

The bartender finally came over and took Dan’s order. While he waiting, I watched his face as he considered what I had said. I watched him experience several different emotions very quickly. 

He took his drinks back over to their booth and as he set them down he said something to Phil.

I peaked over from time to time, and I watched, as those few words became a conversation, then a discussion. 

By the time that I left the pub that night they were both smiling for real. I could see something in them that reminded me a lot of hope. 

“Maybe change isn’t so bad.” I smiled to myself as I walked out the door and back up to my apartment


	9. The End

March 2015 

It had all started as an idea, something that felt like a dream for the future rather than a reality of my present. Yet here I was looking at my apartment—empty. Everything I owned was sorted into boxes and sealed and stacked away. The walls and floors were bare; it didn’t even look like a home anymore. 

I had come to accept change in life, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared. Everything I knew and was comfortable with had been here in this apartment, and soon I wouldn’t have any of it. Yet the very idea of having Emily by my side in a home that would finally be ours…that was something that I was ready to bet everything on. 

“It’s kind of spooky isn’t it,” Emily observed next to me “all of our stuff tucked away, the whole place feels so empty and abandoned.”

I nodded desolately 

“It’ll be fine though,” I reassured her despite the uneasy feeling growing inside of me “We’ll make this new place our home.”

She smiled brilliantly at me and wrapped me in a tight squeeze 

“I know, I can’t wait.” 

A little while later after everything was packed and we had eaten our take out dinner, Emily invited me on a stroll around the block. I told her that I wanted to really say goodbye to the place and she laughed and poked me teasing that I was actually a big softy. She left though and for a few moments I felt like I had before I had come all this way and before I had this life that I now call my own. 

A thump from upstairs shook me from the almost dreamlike state that I fell into. I flinched at the noise but relaxed after I heard Dan’s voice yell, “Watch where you move that thing you absolute living flop!” 

“Sorry!” rang our Phil’s voice casually as he seemed to move into a different room 

I smiled. It would definitely be a change not to have those two living above me. I wouldn’t hear anymore-loud rap music from Dan, or anymore clumsy stumbling from Phil. I was ready to get back to some peace and quiet yet a part of me knew that I would miss these weird small facts of my life. 

I wouldn’t have any more chance run ins with either one of them, I wouldn’t get to give them advice or steer them in the right direction. 

I chuckled to myself thinking about how the man that I once was started all of this just because he loathed these two kids upstairs—or more accurately as I acknowledge now: didn’t understand them. 

I went from hating them, to trying to bust them, to sympathizing with them, all the way around to genuinely caring for them and feeling protective over them. 

I heard a few more thumps overhead and heard Phil’s voice again chime “Sorry! I tripped.”

Followed quickly by Dan saying hurriedly “Just get in here Phil! These have to go up at 7pm exactly, this is a huge moment.” 

I felt my brow furrow as I began to wonder what he meant. They usually didn’t freak out so much over posting videos; this must have been something else, something big.

 

They had been particularly distant lately I had noticed. Honestly I had noted how strange they had been acting since probably around last winter, but they had definitely become even more unusual in the past few weeks and months. 

They had always been something of recluses to be honest, but it had seemed like it had stemmed from either laziness or social anxieties that frankly I related to, recently it had been different. They were secretive.

They definitely had been spending more time in their house than usual, but at the same time I had noticed them sneaking of to rendezvous and secret meetings at early and late hours that were unusual for them. What were they up to? 

“It’s time!” Dan shouted dramatically a nervous edge in his voice “Launch it now!”  
Then silence as they waited.

“What do we do now?” Phil asked a similar breathy quality to his voice 

“I don’t know…wait for reactions?” Dan suggested, “I really don’t know, I wasn’t even thinking past posting it…”

“Me either!” Phil laughed “But hey now everybody knows!” 

I felt a chill go down my spine. Had they just come out? 

I could ignore them and continue with my life when it was just strange encounters and mysterious meetings, but if this was what I suspected I couldn’t ignore it. 

I bolted from my house and flew up the stairs. I knocked on the door and both Dan and Phil answered the door together.

I was suddenly stricken by how much them had changed in these past years. The physical changes were obvious enough, their heights were different, their faces had matured and not to mention the effect that a few years has on two peoples’ hair styles and fashion choices, and yet what I noticed instead were the changes in themselves. Dan smiled more these days, he was happier than he had been when we first met, more self assured; Phil stood taller and straightened his back when he stood, he wasn’t hiding anymore he found confidence somewhere and both of these changes looked good on them. 

“Matt?” Dan said, “What’s up?”

“I-I heard shouting from up here I wanted to be sure that everything was alright.” I lied hoping they would let slide what they were up to and confirm or deny my theory 

“Oh,” Phil chuckled “sorry if we were being loud we just made a big announcement.” 

“Or really?” I asked prying for more info leaning in 

Dan noticed my curiosity first he seemed to guess my theory just by my expression and his eyes dropped slightly. 

“No not that,” he said sort of glumly before cheering right back up “We wrote a book actually.” 

“A…a book?” I stammered 

“Yeah,” he smiled looking over at Phil and meeting his eyes “And we just announced it.”

“What sort of a book?”

“Its kind of like a scrap book,” Phil said modestly “Since everything we do is online and immaterial we wanted to create something physical, like a time capsule.”

“It’s a huge thing with loads of stories and pictures!” Dan chimed in “Like a whole enchiridion of everything we’ve done and want to do.”

“Why?” I asked trying not to sound rude 

“Because we are really looking forward to moving on and moving forward,” Dan admitted taking Phil’s hand tenderly “but these past years have been the greatest of our entire lives and we wanted to keep these memories with us forever so that even when it’s been years, we can look back and remember these days.” 

“Memories are important but they shouldn’t hold you back,” Phil said with a smile squeezing Dan’s hand “They should propel you forward.” 

I was utterly speechless. I felt some tears come to the surface of my eyes.

Phil noticed first and extended a hand onto my shoulder saying “You know you’ve helped us so many times over these few years and you’ve given us advice that has helped shape who we are today, so if we just said something that you needed to hear, consider it repayment for everything you have done for us since we moved it all those years ago.” 

“Yeah,” Dan said looking somewhat nostalgic “Thank you Matt.” 

When I was back in my apartment later that night I felt their words inside my brain rattling around and echoing. This empty apartment didn’t feel so scary anymore. It didn’t look barren or strange, I felt safe here. I had so many great moments and memories here in this apartment, and while I would miss them with all of my heart, I was finally ready to move forward and to move on. 

That sense of comfort was something new to me. I had always been the kind of man who was straightforward and set in my ways. I thought that my problems were my burden alone to carry. I thought that control over the order and chaos in my life was entirely up to me. 

I see now that I was wrong. 

I know that I hadn’t changed over night, it had been a long hard road to get here, and I’m certain that I am not done growing and changing. I know that I will become more in the years to come than I never had the strength to be before. I know that I owe all that I have become to these two brilliant amazing people who moved in above me and changed my life: my neighbors upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the story, but not the end of the road.


	10. Epilogue

October 2015 

Within moments of unpacking and setting up our new home, I knew truly that I would be happy here. It was bigger than my old apartment obviously, but there was also something very mature and homey about it that I liked. While the shine wore off and we settled in eventually, that feeling that I was content and comfortable here never quite wore off. This was my home. I had one of those now; I had a home to call my own. 

It had been several months by this point since we had moved away and despite the happiness and the comfort, I do admit that something felt like it was missing, something was incomplete. Some nights I would wake up long before dawn, awoken by shouting or music that I knew wasn’t there. Some days I would feel a strange urge to hand out advice and feel important to people that didn’t exist. 

It didn’t take me long to figure out why I felt this way. 

“You miss them, that’s normal,” Emily said sipping her morning coffee “It’s sweet even, they were your neighbors after all.”

“I just don’t know why I feel like this,” I admitted “I only saw them from time to time—every few months or weeks—they probably don’t even remember me really. It wasn’t like I had any profound impact on their lives.” 

“That’s not what they said, you said that they thanked you.” Emily reminded me 

“Surely they were just being polite.” I added glumly 

Just then there was a knock at the door. Emily looked at me, then at the door, then back at me. Then lighting fast she shot her index finger up to the left side of her nose and shouted, “Nose goes.” 

“What?!” I said “You can’t ‘nose goes’ this” I was feeling oddly outraged “There are only two of us here!”

“Well I got my hand to my nose before you did, so you have to get the door.” She informed me gliding right over my comment 

I sighed. “Next time we do Rock, Paper, Scissors like normal people.” 

I opened up the door and found the post man there holding a small-ish flat white box. 

“Delivery for Matt Bradbury?” He prompted 

“Yeah, that’s me.” I said quickly scribbling my signature and taking ownership of the parcel 

I closed the door and brought it over to the table. 

“What’s that?” Emily asked me 

“It’s not yours?”

“Why would it be mine?”

“I don’t know, I assumed you bought something online and didn’t tell me or something.” 

“Nope,” She confirmed before quickly adding “Open it up!”

I cut through the tape with a kitchen knife and promptly threw open the cardboard box flaps as if they were French doors and I wanted to make a dramatic entrance. 

Emily peered over my shoulder and pulled away the bubble wrap. 

Inside was a small thin book with a white cover with colorful writing. In the very center were Dan and Phil standing on opposite sides of the title. 

“You did mention that they wrote a book.” Emily said softly, examining the novel “Would you look at that…”

“But I didn’t buy it.” I clarified 

She flipped open to the cover and a small note tucked into the cover read: “Dear Matt, We would like to formally invite you to see the London performance of our stage show in November. Two tickets are provided inside. We both hope to see you there.” 

The note was clearly a form letter my name added in at the last step, it was a rubric using a list that I had been added onto as a formality.

“Aww, that is so sweet,” Emily decided, “We need to go.” 

I shrugged. I felt conflicted, I definitely wanted to go, but something about the way the note sounded and was addressed was so robotic and impersonal. It made my heart feel a little heavy, thinking about how I was just another name on a list after everything we’d done.

“Yeah. I guess we do…” 

November 2015 

We sat in the back of a cab on our way into the city dressed up for a show and with our tickets in hand. 

We had both taken turns reading the book that was sent to us since receiving it, and admittedly we both laughed and enjoyed it. It was silly and fun, it was fun to sort of hear from them again even if it was in the form of public writing. 

We stood and line and got the expected experience of feeling awkward due to us being over dressed and due to our age being far greater that the median age present in line. Still however we overheard some conversations and had polite discussions with generally pleasant people and by the time we reached the front we were, I think, both looking forward to the show. 

Once we were inside we were truly struck by how popular our neighbors had been this whole time. I had never given much thought to how many people 5 million was, but looking around the theater and knowing that this was likely only a few thousand blew my mind. 

The show began and we sat back into our seats.

By the time that the final curtain fell and All Star by Smash Mouth was blaring over the speakers we had both laughed and then cried. While we were by no means the loudest or the most excited in attendance I definitely cheered more than I expected. 

A specific chord struck me in a certain part of the show. There was a scene where Dan was having what he called an “existential crisis”—a term I had not heard before but noticed that the significantly younger crowd around me had no problem understanding. While recovering from this moment of dread and panic about the future he said something that resonated with me.

He explained how even if everyone doesn’t thank you and if everyone doesn’t love you, if you can help and change one person’s life, you did something worthwhile. He spoke in terms of his career online, but I found that I could only think of my years living under them. 

I may not have guided their lives so elegantly that I indirectly changed the world, I may not have said something so profound that it changed the course of their young lives, I may not have even made so great of an impact that they would remember me. Yet I know looking back that I met two scared and intimidated young men and in their moments of need I was there. That was the difference that I had made. 

So when they go on and move forward and do bigger and better things and forget that they ever had a cranky Spice Girls loving weirdo living under them, I would remember that I was there and that I made a difference, and a difference is important no matter how small. 

That night as we returned home I found myself smiling again looking at this fine life that I had made for myself and the future that may lie ahead. 

“Did you enjoy the show?” Emily asked me as we rolled into bed 

“Yeah, I did.”


End file.
